Its hard to think the daughter you went through to raise is broken at the moment, hard to think that you don’t know her anymore but the little girl that used to smile the little girl that had such a positive look towards life is still there she is just lost, she has been dealt such bad cards from life that she is having a hard time winning but that don’t mean she will lose forever she just waiting patiently for her time and it is not now.
I know you feel she is weak and letting everything get the best of her but she has went through hell to make you proud that she lost herself in her way, you might wonder why she never told you but how could she? How could she tell the woman that gave her life that she thinks about ending it how can she tell you she don’t feel like there is any reason for her to live and keep breathing, how can she put you through all of this pain after all you have done to raise her how could she break your spirit as well when she knows just how tormenting and painful it is and even though she knows you can’t see it and will be disappointed in her she would rather take that than break your heart by telling you about the demons in her mind that keep her awake at night feeling so lonely and lost.
So please don’t think your daughter is too weak, too spoiled or too much of a disappointment, she is trying to mend her broken soul so that one day she can become the daughter you can be proud of, she fights her demons day and night so that maybe just one day she can be the daughter you can be proud of
So that maybe one day she can repay you for everything you have done for her and much more. She is all you have in this world and the only thing that keeps her fighting and going so please don’t give up on her for she hasn’t given up and is fighting it everyday so that she can be the person that can put an eternal smile on your face.
As she watched the river go by she wondered how many stories it held, how many people sat where she sat and watched it, Some with happiness, some with sadness and some with loneliness.
she wondered how many people sat where she sat all alone like her and thought about the one that got away, she wonders what he would he think of this place if he was here with her, she cant help but smile as she knows the silence would have probably drive him crazy and he would have searched his phone frantically looking for a song to make the moment memorable and would just sit taking deep breaths once in a while as he admired it. She knows he would have held her tight and showed her how much he loved her without even having to say the words, but as she sat alone in this cold bench she cant help but wonder where it all went wrong, she can’t help but feel like maybe they reached their end and as she sat alone she realized just how empty her life was and that without him even the silence was deafening. it was the loudest than any music can ever be and nothing could ever tune it out for her.
They say its hard when you lose your loved ones and that there isn’t a grief much greater than that but I beg to differ there is nothing more painful than losing ones self, losing sense of who they are for that is where the most saddest and painful grief lies.
He felt like he was a stranger not to others but himself, he smiled and talked with people around him even tho his heart was aching even tho his soul was shredding apart but he had to had to be strong, he had to keep living, he had to survive, he was there he was breathing, he was alive, he knew for as long as he breathed, smiled and laughed how could anyone think he is lost? How could anyone see the sense of loss he feels every time he takes a breath?
He felt the loneliest when people were around him, its like with them around he was reminded of just how lost he was he felt like they were busy shadows and he was lost in the crowd; one stranger after the other, he felt like he was becoming more lost than found and he felt as if he will never be found.
His biggest grief wasn’t the fact that he was lost no his biggest grief was that he didn’t know how to find himself he felt like he was in a maze going around in circles with no way out he felt as if he was stuck somewhere, deep in a maze where the sun doesn’t shine where thunderstorms and lightning of his fear and insecurities was all he could hear,
His biggest grief was that he was just as lost and gone from this world but can never be found, for no one knew he was lost, for no one saw the sadness he hid behind the smiles, for no one sees the death of his soul as the days go by
The biggest grief wasn’t the loss of loved ones no the biggest grief was the loss of ones self and only for those that are lost that knows just how much of a sad thing that is.
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